Let's Talk Self-Respect
Hello hello, and welcome back to Spill Season Pod. I am your host Savannah. On today’s episode we are going to talk about disappearing and how it actually is a form of self-respect. First I want to break down the difference between self-respect and self-esteem. While self-esteem is general confidence in abilities, self-respect is a deeper, often more stable, moral judgment of one's own worth. Psychological research suggests that self-respect is not just a nice-to-have thing. It’s a distinct, measurable aspect of self-worth that shapes how you view and treat yourself. Self-respect is inward and outward: It influences your relationship with yourself and others and can help form healthy relationships. Now and then, everyone will endure imposter syndrome, become a people pleaser, or engage in negative self-talk. Self-respect brings people back to their most authentic selves, improving wellness and preventing bad habits. This will help as we progress into the discussion of self-respect and how it can manifest itself in various contexts.
First, though, you may ask, how does one begin to even build self-respect? Good question! An article on Psychology Today titled “Why Self Respect is Powerful” shared these 5 tips for building self-respect:
Set tiny, realistic self-promises. Whether it’s five minutes of journaling, a walk or a “no” to a draining and unnecessary obligation, make it concrete and repeatable.
Track and honor your self-promises. Use a notebook or habit tracker to track how many times you followed-through. Every completed promise reinforces self-efficacy.
Practice self-compassion when you slip. Use kind language, and remind yourself that self-worth isn’t binary success or failure; they’re both important resources. Self-compassion helps buffer against perfectionism and harsh self-judgment.
Recognize moral and value-based actions as valid sources of worth. Self-respect research shows that behaving in line with your moral code (even when no one else sees) builds long-term self-regard.
Make self-respect a habit, not a goal. Just like physical strength grows from regular small workouts, self-respect grows from repeated small commitments to yourself.
Another article titled “Self-Respect: 5 Ways to Respect Yourself” suggested these 5 steps to boost your self-respect and overall mental wellness:
Be with people who bring out your light. Your friends and chosen family will understand and love you most, making it easier to feel appreciated and seen. This will lead to greater happiness.
Practice what brings you joy. Practicing yoga, hiking, or cooking a homemade meal may activate your true self. Carve out time to do enjoyable activities to feel like your best self.
Prioritize self-care. Reserve time for yourself each day and treat yourself as often as you need to improve your well-being. Whether a spa day or a long call with a loved one, a self-care plan allows you to recharge and be your best self moving forward.
Remove negativity from your life. You may need to end or change relationships with people who do not have a positive outlook, and you should also say no to activities or work that do not align with your values.
Write yourself affirmations. Celebrate what you like about yourself. You can journal your affirmations or write them on fun paper as a collage, giving you something positive in challenging times.
So there you have it! Disappearing (or removing negativity) is highly recommended for your wellbeing. Some may say “That’s really selfish of you!” or “So, what, we aren’t friends anymore?” And honestly, YES! If someone, or people are bringing you down, questioning your boundaries, trying to force you to change your moral values to make themselves feel more comfortable around you, then yes you are not the right friends. It’s okay to protect your peace; to decide that instead of saying something face to face, you remove yourself silently and move onward with your life. Maybe I say this with such passion because I’ve had to make these decisions before and it could be categorized as “the easy way out” but honestly for someone like me who had molded into a people pleasure and at times a rug to walk all over, it’s actually the hardest thing to stand up for yourself and do what you need to, to stand firm on your morals and your peace. That is the self-respect that earns respect in the long run!
I found this really good read on Substack titled “sometimes, disappearing is a form of self respect” and the author put it this way “Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is to quietly leave behind what no longer serves you – without drama, without explanation. Because your energy is sacred and guarding it is an act of love towards yourself. You don’t have to keep proving you’re a good person by staying in bad situations. Choosing yourself doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you sane.”
This means that having self-respect is working on your mental health. It reduces dependency on external validation, minimizes toxic relationships, and fosters healthier, more authentic living. Cultivating self-respect improves mental wellbeing by reducing anxiety and depression. So if you are like me, and working hard at a happier, healthier you, you need to start working on your self-respect, because it trickles into your self-worth, which in turn trickles into your self-esteem. And none of this comes from someone else, it’s called self because it can only come from you.
This has honestly been a very hard lesson that has taken me years to accept and start working on. For years I put my value entirely on how others thought of me and perceived me. When someone didn’t like me, or said something nasty about me or to me, I took it personally as “truth”. But as I’ve gotten older, wiser, and experienced a bit more in life, I have learned the value of building the kind of self-respect that ensures that when I look at myself in the mirror I know who I am, what I am, and like it. This shift really didn’t start until a couple years ago, specifically it started in a more superficial way in 2023 when my husband and I were on our honeymoon in Thailand and I saw pictures of myself and was taken aback by my appearance. I was the heaviest I’d ever been, constantly bloated and dealing with inflammation, my hair and skin the worst it had ever been. How had I let myself go so far?? Then I realized that the way I saw myself was based on the opinion of others and I had let myself reflect their thoughts, not the positive thoughts of my loved ones around me. I was honestly a bit disgusted with myself and realized I needed to start making changes. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill, injection, or clapping of hands to make everything the way I want it so it has taken this long to really correct myself not just physically but mentally, but sometimes the thing you have to work on the hardest and longest is the thing most important and valuable. So here we are today, I am MUCH happier, healthier with still a lot of work to be done, but I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.
I have good days and bad, if I am being completely honest, but that’s okay and I have been learning to accept that will happen. I’m just continuing onward! So, with that said, I challenge all listeners to this: For the next 30 days, practice the 5 ways you can work on your self-respect and message me how you feel after the 30 days hit. Start whenever but I want you to really put in the work and see how you feel. Improved? The Same? I look forward to hearing your thoughts!
You can either reach out via email spillseasonpod@gmail.com or through my website's contact form www.spillseason.com!
Thank you all so much for listening, this is Spill Season Pod! <3
Episode Resources:
https://pendingdeletiondc8a59287a154b6.substack.com/p/sometimes-disappearing-is-a-form
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202601/why-self-respect-is-so-powerful
https://www.masterclass.com/articles/self-respect